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Women’s day for Womankind
Well finally I got there and did the Peace-Marker workshop at the Womankind conference, I so nearly didn’t.
Friday night I was all for pulling out, too tired, too demotivated just not able to enage, but by 7am Saturday morning I woke up and thought, I’ve got to do this, if I don’t I’ll regret it.
So I dragged nyself out of bed, phoned my mate Jean who was organising the conference and said, “I’m on my way” and boy was I glad I did, what a great bunch of women and a really uplifting event.
At my workshop about 12 women came and as we sat in a huddle, I thought this feels just right. “I nearly didn’t come”, I started and told the story of my pulling out of the event, “really” I continued “that’s a story of my life over the past few years, an up and down trajectory. That’s like my life” one of the group said excitedly, “Yes and I realised a few years ago that actually I had just got burnt out and depressed” I continued.
Earlier in the day I had talked to another wise woman Jean and had said exactly the same,
“oh you just got bored” she said and I was electrified, I thought “yes I was bored”, but after the hard work, the biz building, the thousands of pounds spent an professional development and the academic qualifications I had just not wanted to think, “that’s it, time to walk away do something different2.
And well, why should I, we all want to feel like we’re going to be more successful not less.
In my case this transition of five years plus, wrestling with age, gender, ethnicity and getting rid of my demons has taken its toil. I often feel tired and demotivated and then again another part of me feels just right and okay in the moment.
So I shared my peace cards and well talked about what we could do to bring more peace to our lives.
Then I came out, I shared the thing that I’ve been keeping hidden because it’s felt more like failure than feedback, the mental health nursing course that I’ve been pursuing for the last six months.
But that’s a story for another day, so I bought two cup-cakes for daughter who was delighted and wound my way peacefully home,
Until next time!
Making clear decisions
I made a decision recently, that I have been moving towards for a long time,
I decided acknowledged owned whatever you like to call it, that I was opting out of the system.
The system for me was my own definition of success, a definition that’s very prevalent in society, we have to work hard, achieve success, often related to material riches and accomplish great things.
What’s going to be your legacy? I heard a number of times,
And every time someone said that to me, I felt more unsuccessful, so I invested more in my business development, I marketed harder, I visualised grander things for my future and I became more and more, unhappy, resentful angry and burnt out.
Around 2005-2007 I made the first decision to opt out, “I want to semi-retire at 50, I told myself” and no I couldn’t afford it, I was too young and just what does semi-retire mean anyway.
But now in 2012, that decision has led me somewhere I didn’t expect to be, (from a business point of view), semi-retired through lack of work in this economic downturn.
I’m on a new path and I know what I want from the next 2-3 years, I’m going back to meet the person that I used to be twenty years ago and yes I’m definitely nowhere near as successful as I used to be from a financial point of view.
But I’m happier than I have been in a long time.
That’s because my definition of success is not longer framed by judging myself based on what others are doing or achieving, it’s based instead on what I want.
What I feel passionate about,
And what gives me meaning to my life.
Until next time!
Look at the bigger picture
One of the things about being on a learning curve is that what you do in the moment never seems good enough. A couple of years ago I didn’t like everything I drew because it was early days and the whole point of graphic facilitation (drawing pictures to conversations in the moment) is that it doesn’t have to be fine art.
But now as I start to explore, I’m getting more dissatisfied. This looks too childish I think, the colours don’t work, it doesn’t look professional enough.
Well of course not I think, how can it I’m at the start of this creative journey?
I guess that’s partly what I wanted to talk about, how do you keep focused on the journey and stay connected to what makes you feel passionate, especially when it seems like you’re not sure about what you are doing?
I start by tuning into jazz fm and slowly, slowly begin to unwind.
I pick a card from one of my favourite card decks and see what comes up,
‘All things in moderation’ says one,
Hmm, what’s that go to do with anything?
Imagination – ‘inner child’ says another,
“Everything happens for a reason” I think.
I’m happy to reassure myself that you are where you are meant to be at any given time and I’m moving into new territory.
Maybe the message that I’m getting is to listen to what’s not working, to look at my weaknesses and develop them, to focus on feedback rather than on criticism.
In other words, ‘look at the bigger picture and stop staring at the detail!’
Ha that’s a challenge!
Slipping back into old ways…
I know this blog is about growing ‘peace’ but sometimes, sometimes I just slip back into old ways. Take this morning for instance, what a way to start Monday morning!!
It’s the fourth call to BT in as many weeks, I’ve only had the service since 3rd January. Now don’t let me bore you with the details, lets just say I get MEGA satisfaction from a strop.
What’s different nowadays is that I’m so much nicer to customer services on the other end, especially when they are helpful which isn’t very often.
The thing is sometimes I think I’m on a one woman crusade to get people in the UK to stand up for their rights.
Why is it that people are always give me bad looks when I’m complaining at Tesco, too loud maybe but hey, how many times have you been overcharged, add it up over the year and times by a few million quid,
That’s a lot of money?
And I know it’s stiff up lip and all that but it’s you that’s getting stuffed, usually from companies that can well afford it, I can’t, can you.
Sometimes Peace is…….a good moan.
Why not give it a try?
Until next time!
Madrid ‘el loco’
I was in Madrid over the New Year, getting entangled in the kind of family dynamics and drama that I wrote about on the peacefulsolutionscommunity site and although I got back last week, it’s only now that I have felt like writing about it.
Don’t get me wrong I think my in-laws are fab, they are also, well, a bit ‘loco’ in the nicest sense of the word, must be the Cuban-Spanish mix.
Here’s how it goes, we arrive for 5-6 days and I already know, they will bicker, my other half will take a couple of days to get over heated, we’ll end up in a row and everyone will endure half a day of ‘el loco’ before it all goes back to normal and sure enough, it went according to plan.
Why not do something different you ask, just to keep the peace?
Well I did, I stayed out of any difficult conversations, I soothed hubby, I didn’t get involved in bickering but still, as usual there was that moment when I became ‘mediator and peacemaker’. I explained our position (although I could feel myself getting wound up) but I kept my distance, even when out shopping which is a palaver in itself.
But then hubbie and I ‘got into one’ or rather I reacted badly to something he said and off I went in a huff!!
Luckily there is a fantastic park close to where we stay so I spent an hour wandering around, meditating and getting more even tempered and then back I went and things got back to a state of normality for New Years eve.
That’s a Peaceful Solution and one that came more easily than most. Now I know that the inner peace I’ve been feeling of late has emerged into the light of day and that’s got to be a good omen for 2012.
No more New Years in Madrid then said my daughter emphatically,
Hmm well we’ll see about that.
Until next time.
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