Its very easy to see failure instead of success.

Today I was looking back on some of the courses that I’ve done over the past 15 years, a Diploma in Systemic Management,  Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Transactional Analysis, on and on and many of the people who trained with me, or who I trained with are doing really well and have become very successful in their field.

And I’m still at the edges, doin some good work, some powerful work but haven’t become part of any established network or an ‘expert in my field’.

The truth, is I haven’t wanted to,

I’ve always made excuses and backed down or out.

Now this actually isn’t news to me nor am I feeling bad about it,

I made the choice a long time ago, that I was going to do things on my own terms.

And I have

I was reminded of this at the Staff Diversity Day that I spoke at last week.

“If you want success, you sometimes have to take it and be prepared to invest in your self to get it” I said, along with a few other ‘hard truths’,

I kinda shocked the room into silence.

But it’s true, you can’t wait around hoping that someone is going to take you to the next level, or wait for your organisation or company to push you forward.

You have to be proactive and take the steps that you need to get you to where you want to go.

I see too much wasted talent sitting, doing a good job, but not moving forward and before you know it, years have gone by and you’re stuck.

This is a theme that I will continue to return to because it’s an ongoing issue for so many people.

And in the meantime, Spring is in the air and there are lots of opportunities ahead….

Until next time!

Well finally I got there and did the Peace-Marker workshop at the Womankind conference, I so nearly didn’t.

Friday night I was all for pulling out, too tired, too demotivated just not able to enage, but by 7am Saturday morning I woke up and thought, I’ve got to do this, if I don’t I’ll regret it.

So I dragged nyself out of bed, phoned my mate Jean who was organising the conference and said, “I’m on my way” and boy was I glad I did, what a great bunch of women and a really uplifting event.

At my workshop about 12 women came and as we sat in a huddle, I thought this feels just right.  “I nearly didn’t come”, I started and told the story of my pulling out of the event, “really” I continued “that’s a story of my life over the past few years, an up and down trajectory.  That’s like my life” one of the group said excitedly, “Yes and I realised a few years ago that actually I had just got burnt out and depressed”  I continued.

Earlier in the day I had talked to another wise woman Jean and had said exactly the same,

“oh you just got bored” she said and I was electrified, I thought “yes I was bored”, but after the hard work, the biz building, the thousands of pounds spent an professional development and the academic qualifications I had just not wanted to think, “that’s it, time to walk away do something different2.

And well, why should I, we all want to feel like we’re going to be more successful not less.

In my case this transition of five years plus, wrestling with age, gender, ethnicity and getting rid of my demons has taken its toil.  I often feel tired and demotivated and then again another part of me feels just right and okay in the moment.

So I shared my peace cards and well talked about what we could do to bring more peace to our lives.

Then I came out, I shared the thing that I’ve been keeping hidden because it’s felt more like failure than feedback, the mental health nursing course that I’ve been pursuing for the last six months.

But that’s a story for another day, so I bought two cup-cakes for daughter who was delighted and wound my way peacefully home,

Until next time!

I made a decision recently, that I have been moving towards for a long time,

I decided acknowledged owned whatever you like to call it, that I was opting out of the system.

The system for me was my own definition of success, a definition that’s very prevalent in society, we have to work hard, achieve success, often related to material riches and accomplish great things.

What’s going to be your legacy? I heard a number of times,

And every time someone said that to me, I felt more unsuccessful, so I invested more in my business development, I marketed harder, I visualised grander things for my future and I became more and more, unhappy, resentful angry and burnt out.

Around 2005-2007 I made the first decision to opt out, “I want to semi-retire at 50, I told myself” and no I couldn’t afford it, I was too young and just what does semi-retire mean anyway.

But now in 2012, that decision has led me somewhere I didn’t expect to be, (from a business point of view), semi-retired through lack of work in this economic downturn.

I’m on a new path and I know what I want from the next 2-3 years,  I’m going back to meet the person that I used to be twenty years ago and yes I’m definitely nowhere near as successful as I used to be from a financial point of view.

But I’m happier than I have been in a long time.

That’s because my definition of success is not longer framed by judging myself based on what others are doing or achieving, it’s based instead on what I want.

What I feel passionate about,

And what gives me meaning to my life.

Until next time!